TIL that when J.R.R. Tolkien's son Michael signed up for the British army, he listed his father's occupation as "Wizard" : todayilearned
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Posted by 4 years ago

TIL that when J.R.R. Tolkien's son Michael signed up for the British army, he listed his father's occupation as "Wizard"

679 comments
88% Upvoted

level 1

I don’t think he was too far from the truth.

8.5k
level 2

If you couldn't show the world that you are a wizard, you'd at least write about it

2.7k
level 2

Certainly “author” would have fallen utterly short of reality.

29
level 2

You're a wizard tolkien!

108
level 2

He created worlds with words and the power of his mind.

Pretty much spot-on.

36
level 2

So there was an old English/Norse/etc type translation club at Tolkien's university. Members would spend all week translating one sentence and proudly translate it for everyone else. Tolkien would roll in and start translating entire paragraphs if not pages.

Just an embarrassment of translating riches.

140
level 2

Tolkien was an initiate of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. I don't know how initiated he was, but he was definitely a wizard.

3
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Tolkien's reply whenever he showed up late to PT must've been priceless.

2
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He can't be a wizard and have a biological son.... Well not back in the 1920s

2
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I had no idea Tolkien was in the KKK

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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago
2
level 1

Well he's no conjurer of cheap tricks

564
level 2

Does he have access to Heaven’s Door

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They're illusions, Michael

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· 4 yr. ago · edited 4 yr. ago
Gold

Of course a man with a name like Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien would be a wizard by occupation.

Edit: Thanks for the Gold. Not sure if this was an original joke, I think I might have seen it somewhere before, but it always gives me a giggle to say it with a Scandinavian accent.

Edit 2: /u/commahoarder found the original, credit where credit's due. https://i.redd.it/u2qwxhcimyg11.jpg

4.8k
level 2

Jonald Ronald Rolkien Tolkien

991
level 2

It's John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, in case you're wondering. Nothing beats Clive Staples Lewis, in my opinion.

466
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Jay Arr Arr Tolkein

74
level 2

Him and Just Kidding Rowling would make quite the wizarding duo.

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Comment deleted by user · 4 yr. ago
level 2
· 4 yr. ago · edited 4 yr. ago

My inspection has revealed that this is indeed a quality comment.

Your certificate should arrive in the mail shortly.

203
level 2

Fuck

7
level 2

I think I saw it in a comic somewhere, but I believe his actual name is Jo-Bob Ralph Ralph Tolkien.

2
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John Really Really Tolkien

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John Ronald Reuel Tolkien

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Lieutenant Jolkien rolkien Mctolkienface

1
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How is that credit when the screenshot drops out the actual twitter handle?

1
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They called him “Jrrk” like jerk in school

1
level 1

I thought the right occupation should be "quendi" or "maia", because he was the recorder of the middle-earth stories

921
level 2

Wizard would be good enough for government work

488
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Translator, actually. Tolkien said his works were basically translations from mostly Bilbo and Frodo.

329
level 2

It's actually Iluvatar.

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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

Wouldn’t using one of those be like putting “Occupation: White Guy”?

1
level 2

The maiar were dudes like Gandalf, Radagast, Saruman, and Sauron, I thought

1
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Jokes on you, a wizard is a maia

1
level 1

Why do they gotta know shit like that? NO ONE EVER DOUBLE CHECKS THAT SHIT.

463
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As someone that has been involved in background checks, yes, they do.

Though to be fair, even though they check that shit, so what... your question still stands. "Why do they gotta know shit like that?"

331
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British army was very class based untill recently, what your father did mattered for whether or not you could be an officer.

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· 4 yr. ago · edited 4 yr. ago
GoldSilver2

Occupation: Wizard

Home Address: Middle-earth

EDIT: I'm not even mad I'm the only one who didn't get any gold. this is gold.

Ok this is ridiculous, im going to sleep

3.2k
level 2

"Ah, so he's a Kiwi."

2.4k
level 2

So, if his son has a kid, then he becomes Grand Wizard.

27
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Technically if he is a wizard he would belong to the order of Istari who are Maiar (lesser gods) given mortal form by Manwe and thus native to Valinor (the undying lands). Watching over middle earth was just a job.

15
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Do you usually write a continent as your home address?

5
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Well - Oxford, mostly.

4
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Sounds like my old LiveJournal profile....

1
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I don't know what to comment but gold would be cool

1
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Home Address: Middle-earth

Also known as "The Midlands".

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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

I don’t understand why this got gold

1

1 more reply

level 1

what kind of wizard was your father?

"Maia"

alright then keep your secrets

118
level 1

How could he NOT?

From his early teens, Tolkien invented several languages. Quenya became an important aspect of his middle earth Legendarium. In a letter published in Observer, 1981, Tolkien wrote: The stories were made rather to provide a world for the languages than the reverse. To me name comes first and the story follows.

Many can invent stories, it takes a real wizard to invent languages.

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· 4 yr. ago · edited 4 yr. ago

He didn’t just invent a language, he created An entire language family. Quenya is like Latin when Saroun was alive, and showed how the language changed and split as time went on and had multiple languages based on it when the events of the book took place.

38
level 2

Yarp.

5
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Actually creating a language isn't that hard. There's a whole subreddit for it (r/conlangs and r/neography for writing systems). The truly impressive thing with Tolkien was how many languages he made. You can't hold a conversation in most of them but he still planned out their general grammar, phonology etc.

And evolving languages is a very hard and kinda tedious thing to do which also makes it a lot more impressive that he made proto-languages. However making a language is something a lot of people can do and I strongly reccomend that people try to as it's a very fun timesink!

(sorry for any spelling or grammar misstakes. I can't type properly on reddit for some reason).

3
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There's actually alot more behind this. For anyone who has read Jung's Red Book, there is some resemblance to what Tolkien did. Often the characters told the stories and would tell him how to say 'spoon' In elvish. Dr Becca Tarnas covers this much more in depth.

2
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That article is riddled with error. For instance, Tolkien contracted trench fever, not trench foot, during World War I. The Nazis asked him if he was Jewish, but that was before World War II, not during it. He came to dislike cars, but initially enjoyed owning one in the late '20s and early '30s: his children's story Roverandom dates from that period. (He wasn't a very good driver.) Etc. There are a lot of good articles on Tolkien on the web, but this isn't one of them.

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Alright then keep your secrets

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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

I think he meant Istari

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*Istar (singular)

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Did his son survive the war?

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Yes, he became a teacher and died in 1984.

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· 4 yr. ago · edited 4 yr. ago
50

Well, the British army certainly could use a little more diversity -- it's all fighters (and fighter kits like the ranger) and some recon filling the role of thief. True clerics are in short supply, so they make do with tech experts with high "heal" skills (they do have chaplains, but they have eschewed all physical healing spells in favor of providing mental health assistance), and ... finally, one mage.

edit:

"What do you mean the son of a mage isn't always a mage too? Great, just what we needed ... another bard!"

53
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hey, dont forget the barbarians

1
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Way to get your dad drafted into the wizard brigades, kid.

25
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How fucking metal would it have been for swarms of witches and wizards to sweep in on the Nuremberg rallies and start dropping lightning bolts onto Nazis?

16
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Like the army cares if your dad was a virgin into his thirties.

101
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My dad is still a virgin.

71
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Harry Dresden, Wizard

9
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Harry Dresden, Low Level Wizard.

4
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This is the funniest thing in the world to British people.. really, specifically English people. For whatever reason they just cannot get enough of a Wizard gag.

I'm thinking of auditions across England and always always some middle-aged man shows up dressed as a wizard. For reasons only British people understand its the most amusing thing. Then, whenever there is an election every riding seemed to have a man dressed as a wizard running as 'Some Funny Wizard of Something'. Once there was a Dr.Who thing where some were in Dr.Who costumes and most normal dress but for some fucking reason 3 people show up dressed as Wizards - and they really do act like they've stolen the show with this hilarious thing. people react to it, they surround it, they give it some wink and a nod appreciation.

What is that? Can some UK people explain WTF is with that already?

114
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Am I the only English person reading this and wondering where on earth you are getting this from?

66
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There is a long tradition of witchcraft and wizardry in England that goes all the way back to when they shat in the corner of the room and used magic to make it disappear instead of the going to the privy like normal fucking people.

205
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This is the funniest thing in the world to British people

Can some UK people explain WTF is with that already?

I don't know where you're getting this from but it's not true at all...

26
level 2

what are you talking about

16
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There's quite a strong Shed Culture in England, I think. Americans have basements, English have sheds. It's become something of a trope, a tinkerer or boffin that's at their happiest when they're stuck in a shed with something to work on and a mug of tea.

Wizards are men in sheds with magic powers.

13
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Uh wizards are cool, u must have missed that meeting or something

20
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I've dwelt among the brits. Their entire culture is built around wizards. It's funny to say they are old. It's funny to say they are magic. I have been at parties, where brits have held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves, and called out, "Hey! Look at me! I'm Mr. So-and-so Wizard. I've got such-and-such for a staff." I never saw it fail to get a laugh.

47
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He's not wrong, as a British man I absolutely fucking adore wizards - can't get enough of them. Actually at your mere mention of wizards I dropped on the floor laughing.

8
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This is the funniest thing in the world to British people

It really isn't dude.

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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

Yeah we do love us some good wizard fun here, it’s true. Oh ho ho I’m already chuckling at the thought of it.

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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

Wobbly wobbly

7
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What are you on about

2
level 1

"Well, isn't that Grand."

"No sir, that's the Yanks."

6
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Reminds me of Ewans brothers call sign being obi-two

6
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If you were from the american south...you probably wouldnt wanna write that....

6
level 1

That's priceless!

4
level 2

That’s so wizard

5
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I had Jedi knight on my Dog tags under religion.

5
level 2

I was refused WICCAN on mine (1984). Times have changed

2
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I see how it is. Michael can list his father's occupation as a wizard in public and everyone loves it, but when I did it, I was "calling my father a white supremacist" and "ruining Easter, Daniel."

4
level 1

I really need to actually watch the LOTR movies, I just glimpsed when someone else watched or it's been too long to remember

17
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I did this for the first time recently. Promised a friend of mine who is a huge fan we'd marathon them years ago. Fibs (ly went up to Edinburgh to do it.

As a first time viewer and having never read the books, I really really liked them. The cgi and plot really hold up still.

It is the codifer for a lot of high fantasy tropes, and if you don't like that then I imagine you won't like these, but I can really see how they're classics.

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Comment deleted by user · 4 yr. ago

11 more replies

level 1

Is it bad that if I read this I'd assume they meant something like grand wizard of the KKK?

21
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Yes

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Comment deleted by user · 4 yr. ago
level 2

They don’t have the kkk in England

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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

Yes, 'wizard' is a normal word.

7
level 2

Yes, it’s bad and also dumb because of the fact it’s J.R.R. Tolkien who is one of the most famous writers in history and notably not an American. You would literally have to be a fool of a Took to assume that first rather than think someone is referring to a wizard of the magic variety. You don’t have to be a wizard to realize this, but it helps.

2
level 1

A wizard in a blizzard.

3
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The ones in New England at least like me, not the Old England ones, maybe a light dusting or some freezing rain for them.

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· 4 yr. ago · edited 4 yr. ago

Where are you going son?

TO WWWWAAAAAAARRRRRR!

3
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

He used words to create a universe! If that isn't magic, then I'm no Hobbit.

3
level 1

He’s from space. He came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.

3
level 2

No, my necklace, bad alien!

2
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That painting was on the cover of my first copy of LotR.... It brings back such nostalgic feelings when I see it each time :))

2
level 1

Accurate.

2
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Obligatory: "You're a wizard Harry John!

2
level 2

No, John was my father.

2
level 1

Dude Your embarrassing me in front of the wizards

2
level 2

Really, shame on him.

1
level 1

How is Britain so obsessed with class that you have to record what your father's job is, just to join the army?

2
level 1

I watched The Hobbit the other day.

I do not recommend it.

Complete rip-off of Lord of the Rings.

2
level 2

I understood that reference.

2
level 1

DO NOT TAKE HIS FATHER AS SOME CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS!

2
level 1

This would have had a vastly different connotation in America.

2
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Look reddit we get it. The 15 lotr posts on the front page are all subliminal Tolkien ads.

2
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Nice, lots of LOTR content on r/all today. Good stuff.

2
level 1

We all think this is really fun and kind of cute, but in reality Michael feared his father's vast powers. Plus, we all know wizards have no sense of right or wrong.

2
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

Accurate

2
level 1

Michael R.R. Tolkien

2
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“Your a wizard father”

2
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Most badass thing I've read today

2
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Tolkien the White!

2
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DAFFY DUCK THE WIZZZZAAAArd

2
level 1

This is by far the best thing I've learned today.

2
level 1

Thankfully we're in an era where drop-down menus can enforce data quality for this type of thing. Though, if you need a new value for occupation feel free to submit a service request and we can vet through our change approval board.

2
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And what a grand wizard he was!

2

8 more replies

level 1

What a stupid question anyway. My father’s occupation has no bearing on my service in the military and if they are looking for red flags it isn’t likely someone will be honest and say “terrorist” or something similar.

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1 more reply

level 1

Accurate.

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1
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

technically the truth

1
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oo la la

1
level 1

I see nothing wrong with that.

1
level 1

Is that allowed?

1
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

Well Mr. Tolkein was sure talented as hell

1
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Hey /u/SurfeitOfPenguins,

This is now the top post on reddit. It will be recorded at r/topofreddit with all the other top posts.

1
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I've never had to list my father's occupation. For anything. Ever.

1
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We think its all cute or funny but what if its actually true lol

1
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wow, he was a great artist! i knew he drew really detailed maps and stuff, but i never saw his paintings.

1
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You have to list your parents occupations? Is that part of the reason the class system still lingers?

1
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hmmmmmmm

1
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Wow thats clever because his mom wrote these famous magic books or something

1
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

You're a wizard, Daddy.

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level 2

Hello there.

2
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Funny, that's what I put down for dream boy occupation.

1
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Might as well have been, the world building process these fantasy authors must go through is overwhelming.

1
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Pretty sure he worked at Leeds university, my old local had a LOTR themed area and one of the houses near by has a blue plaque outside it.

1
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

That's wizard

1
level 1

Interesting note, most people don’t know that C. S. Lewis died on...November 22, 1963. Not in Dallas.

1
level 1

"You're a what?"

1
level 1

Nice

1
level 1

That’s so wizard

1
level 1
1
level 1

He wasn't wrong.

1
level 1

Can't wait for the Tolkien biopic; if you all haven't already, but are fans of Tolkien's books, I can't recommend Peter Jackson's WWI documentary They Shall Not Grow Old highly enough; what he's done to the footage puts you in the trenches in the devastated landscape, and it really puts a lot of Tolkien's material around fellowship against seemingly impossible odds into perspective. It's not for the faint of heart though; I'm pretty stoic and I teared up during a few sections.

1
level 1

Wasn't J.R.R knighted?

1
level 1
[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

So he’s a liar...

1
level 1

He was a graaand wizard

1
level 1

Maybe The Lord of the Rings was autobiographical haha

1
level 1

Good thing it wasn't the US or some would have taken that the wrong way

1
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Haha! Sigh, what a dork.

1
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

Harry Dresden?

1
level 1

"Dad and his friends were discussing whether God was a man, woman, or some of being with both kinds of sex parts. They're wizards; I know it."

1
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You’re a wizard

1
level 1

“I wanted to be a Wizard” -Samwell Tarly-

1
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how do you say “Section 7F” in Britbong

1
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Tolkien was the OG neck beard

1
level 1

Are we sure he didn't put down "writer" in shitty handwriting?

1
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My father’s occupation was a “Nun”.

1
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*Istari

1
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

What are y'all Tolkien about?

1
level 1

In the US that could be confused with a different profession...

1
level 1

Didn't know JRR Tolkein was in the KKK

1
level 1

He wasn't wrong tho.

1
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

I've done this on tax returns.

1
level 1

Damn

1
level 1

Rofl jeez. Brutal finicky reddit. Brutal.

1
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Hes a HWHAT??

1
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Once read a Harry Potter fanfic where he was a closeted wizard

1
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If I'm ever gainfully self-employed that will be my job title as well.

1
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LoL

1
level 1
[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago

Tolkien the White.

1
level 1

Tolkien the Colorless

1
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Rich people are allowed to be eccentric

1
level 1

Accurate.

1
level 1

J.R.R. Tolkien's full name is Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien.

1
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[deleted]
· 4 yr. ago
level 1

I think this would have gone down much worse if it had happened in the American South.

1

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level 1

I don’t think he was too far from the truth.

8.5k
level 2

If you couldn't show the world that you are a wizard, you'd at least write about it

2.7k
level 2

Certainly “author” would have fallen utterly short of reality.

30
level 2

You're a wizard tolkien!

110
level 2

He created worlds with words and the power of his mind.

Pretty much spot-on.

36
level 2

So there was an old English/Norse/etc type translation club at Tolkien's university. Members would spend all week translating one sentence and proudly translate it for everyone else. Tolkien would roll in and start translating entire paragraphs if not pages.

Just an embarrassment of translating riches.

145
level 2

Tolkien was an initiate of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. I don't know how initiated he was, but he was definitely a wizard.

3
level 2

Tolkien's reply whenever he showed up late to PT must've been priceless.

2
level 2

He can't be a wizard and have a biological son.... Well not back in the 1920s

2
level 2

I had no idea Tolkien was in the KKK

2
level 2
[deleted]
· 3 yr. ago
2
level 1

Well he's no conjurer of cheap tricks

560
level 2

Does he have access to Heaven’s Door

3
level 2

They're illusions, Michael

2
level 1
· 3 yr. ago · edited 3 yr. ago
Gold

Of course a man with a name like Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien would be a wizard by occupation.

Edit: Thanks for the Gold. Not sure if this was an original joke, I think I might have seen it somewhere before, but it always gives me a giggle to say it with a Scandinavian accent.

Edit 2: /u/commahoarder found the original, credit where credit's due. https://i.redd.it/u2qwxhcimyg11.jpg

4.8k
level 2

Jonald Ronald Rolkien Tolkien

991
level 2

It's John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, in case you're wondering. Nothing beats Clive Staples Lewis, in my opinion.

465
level 2

Jay Arr Arr Tolkein

69

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